At the core of the Dating Syndicate is a relatively untested open source protocol called FOAF (friend of a friend). This is a flavor of XML file that holds data on a person's attributes: body type, interests, friends, and assorted other personal information. Like all XML file types, FOAF files are platform-independent, although Filkins plans to keep all the Dating Syndicate FOAF files on a secure server to ensure user privacy.
When you log in time at the gym or on a run, your brain releases endorphins which are responsible for fighting stress and lifting your mood. In addition to making you feel better, the benefits are most definitely long lasting. Researchers at the University of Vermont found that “mood benefits of 2 hours of exercise can last up to 12 hours!” But, if you do not want to believe research, then at least listen to the lovely Elle Woods: “Exercise gives you endorphins…endorphins make you happy!”
I find the entire journey of the book very relatable. As a woman who's about to get married, who is constantly bombarded with questions about babies, and who has reservations about the institution of marriage and a woman's role in procreation, I was sure glad to see that someone shared similar feelings/thoughts, and better yet, she had the literary talent to voice them. The words were so honest and frank, that at times, I felt uncomfortable. I felt as if I just said out loud my deepest secrets that werent meant to be shared with the outside world.
The plan: No matter how bad things may seem, find someone who’s worse off than you and help them. Do this for at least 10 minutes a month. Maybe you’ll provide them food, have a conversation or help them solve a problem. Whether it’s large or small, offer something to others. Remember: the secret to living is giving. It’s truly the secret for how to feel happy.
So true, Carolyn - and so telling! As a culture, we spend hours doing research and taking classes on so many other things that have little to do with our happiness - as if the things like buying a car or planning a vacation will bring us true happiness, but we "wing it" when it comes finding what we're looking for in relationships. We limit ourselves to such a great extent because of so much of what you say here - "you only have those around you as examples of what life has to offer." And if those around you are as confused about all this as everyone else, and don't question what the media and culture has taught them, what do you really have? Great comment, Carolyn. I appreciate your adding so much to this conversation.
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I think it’s fair to say that going into a major contract (other than marriage) with someone, such as buying property or a car, is a sign that things are pretty serious between you and your boo. The reason why contracts are such a big deal is that they’re generally much harder to get out of than they are to get into, so most people take care when signing on the dotted line and expect to be committed for a long time.
Gary Smalley was one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He was the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Si ...more
Although this was a correlational study, and therefore the usual caveats apply that happiness fragility could cause insecurity and vice versa (or a third factor may be present), Joshanloo’s analysis permitted him to test a model consisting of predictive pathways among the personality test scores. Both attachment scales predicted lower levels of subjective well-being, the outcome in the model. However, fear of happiness and happiness fragility both influenced subjective well-being above and beyond attachment style. In other words, people with insecure attachment styles are at risk for lower well-being, but in part because they fear that any happiness they experience will soon dissipate.
At first, it might feel silly to look for reasons to pat yourself on the back, and the reasons you come up with might make you uncomfortable. Still, commit to doing this whether or not it feels good. You can decide to be worthy of your own applause and enjoy the feeling, even if just for a split second. If it feels fake or forced, that’s normal, because the circuits that berate your accomplishments feel strong and true.
It is in this particular area that I feel my most powerful impact. To say that my marriage was unconventional and that it was difficult is an understatement. But, I would do it all over again because my journey with Jeff provided me the opportunity to discover my own true definition of love. For in those twenty-five years, I was able to find my core, my strength, my faith, my hope, and my true understanding that I was chosen to love him. I was chosen to stay with him. And I was chosen to be able to watch him become the stranger in my bed due to the horrific devastation that his virus brought. To this day, I remain in my heart, Jeff’s wife, friend, caregiver, and devoted partner. My hope is that with this book, others may gather up the strength and fortitude to commit to their marriage vows before God first and then, commit to their marriage. May this book give you the understanding of how remarkably strong you can be and how capable you truly are when “Committed to Love.”
Today's Time Travel story "Nightmare Romance!" comes from 1951 -- before the comic book industry started to self-regulate with the Comics Magazine Association of America's Comics Code Authority. As such, this story from Avon's Romantic Love #7 (September/October 1951) with art by Marion Sitton, is quite scandalous! No slumber parties or football games here!
All that said, though, I am somebody who has spent a large chunk of her professional life interviewing people, and I trust my ability to watch and listen closely. Moreover, like all of us, whenever I enter the family homes of strangers, I am quick to notice the ways in which they may look at or do things differently than my family looks at or does things. Let us say, then, that my role that day in that Hmong household was that of a more-than-averagely observant visitor who was paying a more-than-average amount of attention to her more-than-averagely expressive hosts. In that role, and only in that role, I feel fairly confident reporting what I did not see happening that day in Mai’s grandmother’s house. I did not see a group of women sitting around weaving overexamined myths and cautionary tales about their marriages. The reason I found this so notable was that I have watched women all over the world weave overexamined myths and cautionary tales about their marriages, in all sorts of mixed company, and at the slightest provocation. But the Hmong ladies did not seem remotely interested in doing that. Nor did I see these Hmong women crafting the character of “the husband” into either the hero or the villain in some vast, complex, and epic Story of the Emotional Self.
How does this apply to dating and mating? Anything that constrains your options, or your partner’s, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some people may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners and think that something may signal commitment when it does not. That also means that some couples that have been together a while, with an unclear future, and that also have the constraints that come from living together, may have difficulty reading clearly in each other what they want for the future.
“‘Flow’ refers to activities that you get involved in, where you forget time and place,” Mramor said. “That can happen with writing, with music, with cooking. There have even been books written about how knitting causes happiness because it causes ‘flow.’” As long as you’re not throwing yourself into your chosen activity to distract yourself from other problems in your life, tapping into that feeling can produce big happiness gains. So get dancing, painting ... fill-in-the-blank.
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How does this apply to dating and mating? Anything that constrains your options, or your partner’s, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some people may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners and think that something may signal commitment when it does not. That also means that some couples that have been together a while, with an unclear future, and that also have the constraints that come from living together, may have difficulty reading clearly in each other what they want for the future.
When I meet Vuong for lunch at a hip LA diner near Beverly Hills, it's clear he's not kidding. As soon as we sit down, he whips out his laptop to show off its 12-hour battery. He tells me about the Grid. "It's just like bioinformatics, where you're searching for a sequence of code in a pool of DNA," he explains. "But the DNA is all the Web pages in the world."
Celebrating small steps triggers more dopamine than saving it up for one big achievement. Big accomplishments don’t make you feel happy forever, so if you always tie happiness to a far-off goal, you may end up frustrated. Instead, learn to be happy with your progress. You will not be celebrating with champagne and caviar each day. You will be giving yourself permission to have a feeling of accomplishment. This feeling is better than external rewards. It’s free, it has no calories, and it doesn’t impair your driving. You have a small victory every day. Why not enjoy it and feel good in the process?
Participants recalled a previous purchase made for either themselves or someone else and then reported their happiness. Afterward, participants chose whether to spend a monetary windfall on themselves or someone else. Participants assigned to recall a purchase made for someone else reported feeling significantly happierimmediately after this recollection; most importantly, the happier participants felt, the more likely they were to choose to spend a windfall on someone else in the near future.
A main contributor to happiness is social contact. For the biggest emotional payoff, think beyond Facebook or Twitter acquaintances and get in touch with someone you’re genuinely close to. “It can be e-mail — it doesn’t have to be face-to-face — but it has to be with someone you know in order for that to really work,” Mramor said. Here’s an idea: combine two happiness hacks and call a friend while you take a walk outside? Or go meet a friend for an hour or two at the end of the day, even if you’re tired or feel like you have too much else to do. It’s truly good for your health.
In a golden era of comics dominated by the superhero and crime genres, the explosion in popularity of a subset surrounding stories of so-called “real-life” love may seem surprising. Nonetheless, romance comics were hugely popular during the post-war and Cold War era from shortly after the genre’s inception in the 1940s until their decline in the 1970s. The genre, created for an audience of young women, explored themes of love, betrayal, heartbreak, and redemption; the comics also engineered and marketed a very particular brand of romantic relationship — together with certain, supposedly desirable, qualities of femininity. Through a retrospective lens, I will analyze these comics given both their historical context and their specific content, and attempt to parse what they may have meant to their readers at their peak of popularity.
Then you have to look at whether you can realistically live with this difference in light of the rest of who he is and everything else that's good about your relationship, Ida. You don't have to, but if he's the one you want to be with and he's not willing to change on this point - and it's a big one- you have to look at the reality of what this means to you and how long you can accept his terms on this. Pretending you can when you can't never works out. Getting to the bottom of why you feel so strongly on your own point might. Sometimes the reasons we have to have something are more about our programming than our own reality. Hope this helps!
In Romans 12:9-10, Paul tells us that love must be sincere. This type of love is a committed love. It is a love that says, “Put your money where your mouth is.” It is perfectly described in 1 John 3:18, “…let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth.” This type of love is a “self-sacrificing, caring commitment that shows itself in seeking the highest good of the one loved” (author unknown). Committed love does not decide to love someone one day and to not love them the next day. It is a decision to love someone, no matter what. Paul lays out some important thoughts about committed love in this week’s Scripture.
10 Images of embracing couples have in fact been appearing on the covers of popular romance novels since British publisher Mills & Boon developed the format in the 1930s and 1940s, so the semantic association between an embracing couple on the front cover and the generic identity romance is long-standing in our culture (McKnight-Trontz 40). Still, the more sexualized version of the embrace known as the clinch did not become commonplace in the popular romance genre until the 1970s, when the so-called “bodice ripper” romance started featuring more sensual embraces on the front cover (McKnight-Trontz 23-24).
Love, as it turns out, is a feeling (no surprises there). We get tingly and joyful. We get excited. We love. We hug and kiss and wrap our bodies around each other because it somehow expresses this feeling. “I want to smoosh my body onto your body” is probably the best way I’ve heard this described, in one of the best explorations of this topic I’ve ever read.
A main contributor to happiness is social contact. For the biggest emotional payoff, think beyond Facebook or Twitter acquaintances and get in touch with someone you’re genuinely close to. “It can be e-mail — it doesn’t have to be face-to-face — but it has to be with someone you know in order for that to really work,” Mramor said. Here’s an idea: combine two happiness hacks and call a friend while you take a walk outside? Or go meet a friend for an hour or two at the end of the day, even if you’re tired or feel like you have too much else to do. It’s truly good for your health.
The second story, “The Farmer’s Wife” shows how a 21-year-old wife must adapt to living with her 36-year-old husband. The third story, “Misguided Heart” introduces us to June, a factory worker who chooses as her true love her co-worker over the self-entitled son of the factory owner. The fourth story (not drawn by Simon or Kirby), “The Plight of the Suspicious Bride Groom,” focuses on a bellhop who breaks up engagements for fun and the bride groom that stops him. Finally, the fifth story is a typical boy from the wrong side of the tracks tale entitled “Summer Song.”
In a golden era of comics dominated by the superhero and crime genres, the explosion in popularity of a subset surrounding stories of so-called “real-life” love may seem surprising. Nonetheless, romance comics were hugely popular during the post-war and Cold War era from shortly after the genre’s inception in the 1940s until their decline in the 1970s. The genre, created for an audience of young women, explored themes of love, betrayal, heartbreak, and redemption; the comics also engineered and marketed a very particular brand of romantic relationship — together with certain, supposedly desirable, qualities of femininity. Through a retrospective lens, I will analyze these comics given both their historical context and their specific content, and attempt to parse what they may have meant to their readers at their peak of popularity.
Figure out a small, meaningful action you can take right now to work toward a better future—what Gielan calls a “now step.” Say, for example, you need a new car but you can’t afford it. Consider what you can you do at this moment—such getting a small coffee instead of a grande mocha. That won’t solve all your money problems, but a small step like that allows your brain to register a small ‘win,’ moving you forward from the problem to what you can do about it right now,” Gielan explains.
Endorphin is also stimulated when you stretch. Everyone can add stretching to their daily routine, because you can do it while you’re watching TV, waiting in line, or talking on the phone. Mild stretching brings circulation into constricted areas. Stop before you feel pain. Just because a little is good doesn’t mean a lot is better, nor is it needed to start feeling happier. If you stretch every day for forty-five days, you will not only feel good but also come to enjoy it so much that you will look forward to doing it every day.
“Committed to Love” is a deeply personal one. It details the many issues and experiences I had to confront and deal with in my twenty-five-year marriage to a bisexual man who succumbed to AIDS. The twenty-four chapters in this book range from his diagnosis on June 19, 1992, with AIDS related pneumonia to his death on August 17, 1994. Every aspect of my relationship with Dr. Jeffrey A. Mintz, both as my best friend of thirty-seven years and my husband of twenty-five is explored in explicit detail. The challenge of a marriage under these circumstances was to say the least, both chaotic yet most rewarding. My thoughts about love evoked images of champagne, roses, and chocolates. Yes, I had a lot of all of them in my marriage, but the reality and truth about my life with him was that the word love for me had always meant commitment, unconditional acceptance, and facing every problem with a solution even if I didn’t know what the solution would be.
It’s natural to trust your current likes and dislikes when you think that will make you feel happy. But now you know that they’re based on accidents of experience rather than complete information. Your accidental circuits cause the threatened feeling you get when you depart from the road you know. If you avoid the threatened feeling by sticking to the old road, you miss out on a universe of potential happiness. You can learn to enjoy the challenge of embarking on a new road to feel good.
As I mentioned before, it may seem such a small step but it’s the momentum that’s the most important element here. Once you cross this off, you can focus on the meeting itself, then once that’s ticked off, you are in a position of starting a profitable retirement fund…and so the momentum continues. You are now on your journey to achieving your dream goal.
“The Pew Research Center reports that millennials are significantly less likely to be married than previous generations in their 20s. And a recent Gallup poll found that the percentage of 18 to 29-year-olds who say they are single and not living with a partner rose from 52 percent in 2004 to 64 percent in 2014. Marriage among 30-somethings also dropped 10 percentage points during that decade, while the percentage living together rose from 7 to 13 percent.” Source
Exercise regularly. Regular exercise has been proven to make people feel happier and even just 30 minutes of exercise a day can have a significant impact on how happy you feel. You may not want to hit up the gym or go for a quick run when you’re feeling down in the dumps, but that’s precisely what will get you up. If exercising alone is too boring for you, then take a group yoga, dance, or barre class or join a team sport.[6]
40The apparent simplicity of the category romance novel’s materiality conceals a complex semiotic system of double encoding. The strong conventionality that marks the material packaging of the novel functions in a complex way that defies the stereotypes of simplicity, formula and repetition that surround the genre even as, on its surface level, it reinforces and perpetuates these same stereotypes. Whereas the mass public relies on this stereotype-confirming surface level to simplistically interpret the book as a formulaic instance of genre fiction, understanding – decoding – the hidden complexities of the underlying secondary semiotic layer requires the romance reader’s extensive knowledge of both the romance genre’s overall conventions and those that are specific to the category romance format. Only on the basis of such generic knowledge can this seemingly overwhelming conventionality be perceived and recognized as markers of variation and deviation instead of repetition and similarity.
6Category romances are published in the mass-market paperback format that is typically used for genre fiction in the English-speaking world. The category romance is an (in)famously cheap book that is available “wherever women shop” (as Harlequin’s decades-old tagline boasts). This includes venues outside of the traditional literary circuit, such as supermarkets, grocery stores, newsstands and gas stations. Almost all category romances are published by the Canadian publisher Harlequin (or its subsidiaries Silhouette and Mills & Boon), which releases over a hundred category romances each month in a wide variety of lines all over the world.4
Just try to frown while listening to upbeat songs (like any of the ones on our Ultimate Happy Playlist)—we dare you! Jamming out can help reduce stress—which leads to greater happiness in general. Plus, research shows listening to music with the goal and desire to become happier may actually lead to greater happiness than simply listening for the sake of listening. So the next time you pump up the volume, keep that positive intention in mind—you may just find yourself smiling a little wider.
